Here's the most frustrating thing about having verbal kids with Autism or Asperger's or high functioning autism (HFA), they LOOK normal.
Most of the time I can deal with the looks, the rude, ignorant comments,even the occasional unwanted attention from a public meltdown.
What I experienced today was above and beyond the normal thing and as an autism mom, it was most disconcerting.
I took my son to an indoor playplace (at a fast food restaurant). He'd had a bad experience previous to today there, with bullies. My goal is to get to him to understand that one bad experience doesn't make the entire place, activity or food a bad thing from now into eternity. Which for an Asperger's kid is a GREAT thing to learn. So, with high hopes after OT and PT, we headed off to this place.
All was well half an hour into the experience and I was pleased. He was going to learn that one bad apple doesn't make the bushel all bad.
Then in walks this little girl, who seems nice enough, but upon arrival everything goes south. A grandparent left, because of the constant screaming, coming from the girl. I'm a fair natured person, so I don't think too much of it. While watching my boys, I note that her father is on his cell phone, and has not glanced at her a single time. During my observations I watch her torment all the children up in this apparatus, blocking the entrance to the slide, not letting them place with this gear/spinning thing, etc. Another 15 minutes go by and I'm about to give warning that it's time to leave. Before I can do so, I hear my oldest son raising his voice, clearly upset.
He's doing everything we've worked so hard on - patience and waiting his turn, manners, not hitting, etc. This girl though is NOT doing anything remotely nice. In fact another little girl had had enough at one point and walked over, slapped the other girl and told her to knock it off! So, I ask my oldest son to come sit down with us and I'll go get his shoes. As I look up to warn my youngest, I see this girl once again physically grab my youngest son and attempt to chuck him backwards!
I am done by this point. My youngest while a verbal ASD kiddo, lacks the ability to advocate for himself. He struggles with receptive language and has no clue how other kids behave. Even if he's seen manners 6 million times, he will still not be able to recall those appropriate actions every time. So, he's just taking what she's doing to him, but I am done. As I holler out "HEY!", my little momma hollers out "HEY GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HIM!". She immediately lets go and everyone continues to play as they did before. DW, who is sitting across from me, asks for a drink refill. I leave to get it and when I come back in, this girl's father (Who is easily over 6 ft. tall) now out of his seat and standing maybe 2 feet from my 67 year old, 4'11" tall mother yelling at her!
I am completely confused what's happened, everything was fine when I left. Apparently, so busy on his phone, he'd not noticed a dang thing, even though several comments had been made in passive aggressive manner about her, loud enough for him to hear by several people. He's now screaming at my little momma, telling her not to yell at his daughter - which I can understand. So, could she, and she repeatedly tried apologizing and telling him that she was just defending her autistic grandchild. He would get quiet, sit down and then be back up and ranting at her - at the top of his lungs! Each time, she kept apologizing to him and he just would not quit scarring the stuffing out of everyone around us. He kept sitting down and then getting back up and walking toward her!
Long story short, I stepped up to him to get him to stop and my little momma had to go out and get a manager - or two. While both managers just stood there while he began ranting again. I look over and my oldest son looks like he's about to loose it, two women have removed their children from the area. So, I felt like I had to stand up to him again and tell him that she's already apologized numerous times and said she went about it wrongly and he needed to let it go.
At this point, he finally sits down and begins consoling his now crying daughter....It was the craziest thing I've ever, ever seen in my life.
My point of this post is that two things have now happened tonight. This man has now reinforced DW's assertion that this place is bad and he will now probably never go back to the place without a fight. The second thing he's reinforced for me, is that because my children are verbal, have no wheelchairs, crutches, etc. they are always going to have to deal with people like this. If they don't physically see something "wrong" with your child, they don't care and will not be objective.
The thought of how to prepare them is mind boggling at this point. First of all, this guy was obviously off his rocker in general. It's just that I know that battles like these are far from over, that there will be crazies, jerks and people who will try to take advantage...I can barely handle them. How will my boys do, after I'm long gone? How do I teach them to handle bullies? Will they always recognize them?
For now, I will settle for a quiet night at home, where before bed I heard giggles, got lots of deep pressure hugs and kissed foreheads of sleeping, gentle boys and deal with the rest tomorrow.
