I wish I was one of those moms who could switch the diet and he was miraculously better. Since he has Sensory Processing Disorder though, and oral issues are a BIG deal to him, that is not possible for him. I wish that he didn't have ALL that he does and that medication hadn't become necessary.....I could list my wishes all day long I suppose.
The other day, it just got to me a bit. I have those times when I look at my son, his tiny, skinny little body. The same body that we're fighting to keep above a certain weight line so he will not be diagnosed as failure to thrive again at almost 6yrs old, the same little body that now seems so fragile compared to other kids his age and it becomes a bit much.
I got him up this morning, put on his feet and ankle braces, checked to make sure his hearing aids were cleaned and put them on, mentally reminding myself to call his audiologist to see if we can get a new mold for his left ear. I went to the kitchen to get his meds. I grabbed the medicinal syringe as always, opened the Vyvanse capsule and dumped the contents into it. I carefully split his Inderol and crushed it, putting it into the syringe. I pulled out an additional pill for him to swallow. Filled the syringe with the Periactin. I got the Intuniv out and sat it next to the Inderol pill. I got out the new medication, Abilify and carefully put it next to his other pills to swallow.
I got his juice, his pancakes and headed to give them to him....I saw my little boy, sitting there happily watching the Disney channel. Looking content, his Ironman braces peaking out from under his jeans and over the tops of the shoes he must wear all day long. I saw his hearing aid light flash from behind his ear, to let me know that they are still functional. I felt the weight of the tiny pills in my hand and mentally counted the four medications to make sure that I had not forgotten everything. Realizing that I was only missing the Trazadone, which is his nightly medication to help him sleep, the thought crossed my mind to remind myself to call the doc again as the Trazadone was once again going to need to be increased. He just adjusts so fast to his medication.
Then it hit me, my tiny little man, with the aids, the braces and his two Blue's Clues pillow/dolls next to him, was taking four medications this morning, two this afternoon and two at night, five in total. My sweet DW was going to be taking all this. It broke my heart.
Holding back tears, I gave him his juice first (yes there is an order, there is always an order to things with him), then I emptied the syringe, handed him the "blue oval", the the "blue round" and then the new bluish pill. Thinking that most kids would object to yet another thing that they have to swallow. Instead, my sweet angel looks at me and says "why do I have a new blue one?" I tell him that it's been here just had to adjust his other meds before we could give it to him and it's to help him with being angry and feeling upset sometimes. I don't dare mention that it is to help you not panic when we throw things in the trash, like wrappers, bad food, etc. This will always cause a panic attack in him. My brave little guy, just looks at the pill and says "ok". No real hesitation, no fit, no nothing. I was so proud of him and then a little saddened as I realized that this is just normal for him. That it is like putting on socks or changing your shirt.
I am very thankful everyday as things could be much worse but, sometimes, days like today, it gets the best of me and I have these moments where the tears are just too much to hold back. To look at YOUR little one and see all that they are doing, have to do, all that they endure, no matter the disorder, I don't think that it is ever easy.
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